postgrad blues & societal pressure to succeed

I think society puts too much pressure on us to succeed.

Some might say that the term success is whatever it means to you. But a quick google search reveals its true meaning: “the attainment of popularity or profit.” or “the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence.” What is peculiar is the fact that there are other definitions and ones that should be considered far more than the others. Simply put, success is the accomplishment of one’s goals.

But the societal pressure to succeed is under the guise of popularity and profit, of wealth and importance. It never feels like it’s about your goals.

Graduating from college was a huge accomplishment, one that I would consider a success. Yet there was always the impending weight on my shoulders to find a job, get settled in my career, and prosper. It was never put there by anybody in particular, but instead by the way American society deals with their youth and the expectations put on us by those before us.

Even before graduating high school I always felt like I had to know what I wanted to do. It was this race against my peers to get into a good school, graduate quickly, and have a career in the field of my choice. That is a lot of pressure on one person, specifically on a person that barely even knew who they were.

Now as a graduate from Chapman University, I still don’t know what I want to do. I changed my major four times throughout my college career. At just Chapman alone, I made myself believe there was a certain route I wanted to go down my first couple of months. Then that changed to another, and then a whole other towards graduation. Now nearly six months postgrad—without a job despite applying every day—I’m still lost. My other interests have resurfaced and I’m floundering in water just shallow enough for the tip of my toes to touch the bottom.

I don’t think this pressure to succeed and know what we want to do is fair at any age. There’s a reason that a midlife crisis is a thing, right? I don’t think anybody is truly aware of what they want to do, especially for financial support. I’ve had far too many anxiety attacks and self-doubts because of it. Because of how easily I can compare myself to other people and their “success.” Because of how easily society has taught me to measure my success on my wealth and my popularity in comparison to other people.

I’m nearly six months postgrad and I have no idea what the hell I want to do for a living, but a laundry list of interest and things I love. I can only hope that as the months go on I can learn to be proud of my own accomplishments and force the idea of success out of my mind forever. Everything we do…every personal goal we reach…that is what is important. Nothing else matters except what we feel is important to each of us.